She is in my trunk
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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