I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
