in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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