Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Porn is love you can see.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
