Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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