the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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