How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
