my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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