Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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