I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
