Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
