....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
