he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
