where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
