I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
