theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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