This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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