Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
