worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
