I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
