I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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