my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
