In the future we'll all be gay
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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