I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Soap is not a condiment
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
