he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
