Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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