If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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