I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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