I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
