She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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