at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What a dumb baby whore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
