bring money and cleavage
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
