I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's like heaven, but drunker
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
