My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
