Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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