I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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