omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
