you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
