Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
