Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
