i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
