omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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