never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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