And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
