I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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