respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
