It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
