Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
