oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
