You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Randomize
