NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As shirtless as possible
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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