i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
