You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
