I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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