need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
