I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just blew my weed a kiss
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
