sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
