Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
someone owes me an orgasm
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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