hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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