'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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