I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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